im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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