I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
