I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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