Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
