What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
