I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
