i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize