I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
