haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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