So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
