I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
