do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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