woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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