as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
