well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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