I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
