i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
