After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
