what day is it and did you see me today?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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