in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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