Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
