He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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