I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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