drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
