I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
vagina is talking i cant
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
