Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
