Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
