The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
