we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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