Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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