its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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