so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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