What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
