Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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