can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So much rum. So many feels.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Randomize
