I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
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These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
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