After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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