you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
