last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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