1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
