I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
