This girl is more easily done than said...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
