She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
