It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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