I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
