I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
