My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
