69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize