Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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