whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
