we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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