so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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