Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
