My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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