it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
