My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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