His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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