Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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