My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
