He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So many bounce houses so little time
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Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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