Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
