I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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