I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
