All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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