well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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