dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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