WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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