theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
