well you can't waste a boner
Is it because I queefed?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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