This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
