oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Someone came in the potted fern
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
