So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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