I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
