A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
