She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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