God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
