Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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