it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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