Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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