I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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