How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
