You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize